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When I Visited A Brothel

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Please note:- While you’re more than welcome to judge me, kindly refrain from reading further if you’re someone who gets offended easily or are underage. Though I know that if you’re reading this sentence you’re going to read the rest of it below no matter what. Stating this is my responsibility and I’ve done it. And while we’re at it, don’t expect this post to have a climax (no double meaning intended) as this isn’t a story but just another experience that I believe is worth sharing.

There are somethings you don’t want the world to know and there a few things you want to surprise the world with on how some random things can happen at the weirdest of places. So here is one such story that only the closest of my friends know, that involves two of my other friends who, if they end up reading this, would even go to the lengths of killing me. (Macha, sorry da, had to say this to the world).

Date: Saturday night, Winter of 2012
Time: Late night at around 12-ish
Location: In the streets of Central London

Those who know me well know that I’m a sucker for having a good time. Kindly don’t confuse this fact with this post’s title. I love going out with friends, hanging out in a club, going to a pub despite the fact that I don’t drink and I even go to local tea shop with those pals who love making me a passive smoker. All this is for the fun of it and as far as the clubs and pubs are concerned, I love the ambience, music and the overall momentum such places beam. Little did I know that this would be used against me in the most unbelievable manner ever.

Spending the weekends with an idiot box became way too common for my roommates and I which convinced me to come up with a plan as always. After days of persuading the guys we were ready to hit Ministry Of Sound, one of the most famous clubs in London. We boarded the train from East Ham (where we lived) and by the time we reached Central London, the last trains back home had left and we’ve only got night busses to get back our wasted/exhausted soul bags to our house. Considering such plans are awesome with music, dance, fun and frolic, it was a minor issue worth facing. Moreover, going through the streets of London at night is an experience only few can fathom.

Let me introduce the two who were with me that night. One was a PG student who is now a successful entrepreneur waiting to get hitched, while other is a professional who’s settled there with a wonderful woman who doesn’t know what her husband is capable of :P. I was around 21 when this happened and both are older than me by 2-3 years.

Only when I got to the streets did I get to know that we would be joined by two other friends of my friend and I thought, in all my innocence, ‘the more the merrier’. But that’s when they ganged up on me and broke the news to me that they’re planning to go to a brothel and clubbing was something they never intended to do in the first place. This entire drama was to bring me along just for the fun of it. Considering the fact that I was in a 5 year old relationship back then out of which it was long-distance for three, I told them that I can never cheat on her and this is definitely not happening. After finding out their persuasions weren’t working, they gave up on me but dragged me along. After all, it’s no joke travelling 3+ hours in bus back home not to mention the fact that I’ve got to change three busses between. No way was I going to do that alone. Before the fact that I was going to visit a place I never thought I’d see was sinking in, they broke another news that one of my friend’s friend was barely 18. The socially responsible and principally correct guy inside me wanted to demand an ID proof from him but I was being dragged by the collar, literally, making me a scapegoat.

So there we were, five Indian dudes walking down the streets out of which one was ‘barely legal’ virgin who thinks losing it to a prostitute was an awesome idea, three guys who’ve given up on the idea of getting into a relationship and another idiot who had the ‘dafuq am I doing here’ face that entire night (that’s me BTW).

Once we reached the street that was apparently famous for this business, the guys started scouting for houses with a red bulb that’s hung outside, which is supposedly an indication. The moment we spotted a few, the guys became ecstatic. We went in to a few houses that were filled with women, usually in their 30s and in some case, even older ones. Clad mostly in bikinis, they’ve done everything possible to make them look appealing as possible, but their skin did give away the age they were trying to cover. The guys though, weren’t happy with the options as they wanted a bang for their buck deal (pun intended).

As the options declined, so did their filters. After spending considerable energy walking up and down the streets, they knew that they had to save some for the right time and they decided not to be too choosy. I finally boarded my last set of stairs as something said that the pirates have neared their treasure. While we were walking up, this huge Black chap walks down the opposite direction with a grin that I’m yet to decipher till this date. At the top, after a ten minute wait, we were greeted by this woman who definitely looked prettier than the rest we met that evening, sporting a fake smile and phoney moves that were as bogus as the perfume that she had on along with a bright red lingerie.

The look on the guys’ faces had me reminiscent of the looks the women of my family display after browsing through thousands of sarees and choosing THE one that they believe to be the best. But with one person on that side and four on mine, I feared it was going to be a long night. Fortunately my friends’ friends said they’ll find another place and left my two pals to deal with what we had. As one of my friends went in, the other one and I were made to sit in a hall by this old lady who was supposedly the Little Red Riding Hood’s granny.

While my other friend had a mix of emotions like a kid waiting to be given an award by the school princy, I was irritated with the entire scenario. After all, the fact that I was in a brothel reading a newspaper does teach one on how low life can get 😀

Irked with the scene, I got out to the streets. Thinking that I was going to get some munch while the rest of the gang drank its way to glory at the club, I came out of my home without having my dinner and the only lower part of my body that craving for attention at that moment was my stomach. While bustling with crowd even at such late hours, this city never ceased to surprise me. There was a Subway open right across the street and I walked towards it gleaming with the same joy a kid would have as he runs towards an ice-cream truck.

After a few bites into my favourite Italian B.M.T, I got a call from one of my friends saying they were done. I told them where I was satiating my hunger and as I ate and watched at the streets through the glass door, I saw the guys approaching. While one of them was laughing more than what was was supposed to be a grin of satisfaction, the other was coming towards me coughing and spitting as if he had a mosquito down his throat.

Here comes the actual dirty part for those ones who clicked this link hoping for one.

As a ever-dutiful friend, I enquired on what happened. What he replied was so spontaneous and hysterical that words can’t do justice to it nor the reactions we ended up giving. Long story short, as he was in the middle of ‘action’, things got a bit too hot and he ended up ‘going down on her’. By the time he was done, he had realised what has happened and out of disgust, the poor chap was spitting profusely thinking that’s its going to undo things.

Being the person I’m, obviously I had to make it worse. I told him two things that made this incident memorable till date. Firstly I reminded him that it was a Black guy who had previously been where this guy has, which made him almost throw up. And finally, I concluded by saying, “So I ate at this Subway, while you…..”

Despite the fact that I don’t support what my friends have done, this is definitely one of the most unforgettable incidents of my life and I felt it was high time I had it penned down, so here it is.

And to those who want to judge the actions of me or my friends, just get a sub guys!


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